Prose Against Humanity
What helps Obama unwind? (Destroying the Evidence)

The President of the United States leaned back into his chair, having finished his day’s work.

He looked around his empty office, making sure nobody was watching him.

He opened up a draw in his desk.

He pulled out a picture and a lighter.

“Nobody will ever know.” Obama said to himself, burning the sexual pictures of him and Snowden.

 

Daddy, why is mommy crying? (Fiery Poops)

Billy and his family were eating dinner together. They were eating meatloaf and mashed potatos.

His mother stood up and excused herself from the table. Billy thought nothing of it at the time.

Until the fire alarm went off.

His father violently got out of his chair. He ran over to the bathroom. Billy followed, silently.

His father was holding his weeping mother. Smoke was coming out of the bathroom.

Billy snuck past his parents and looked into the bathroom…

…When he saw it.

————-

“And that’s why I hate making smores!” Bill told the young, camping boy scouts.

They all stared at him in horror.

“…Who are you?!” One of the children screamed.

 

I don’t know exactly how I got the PAX plague, but I suspect it had something to do with (Licking things to claim them as your own)

"So did get a chance to go into the Watch Dog’s booth yet?"Dom asked.

"No, man. Is it a demo or are they only showing a video?"Larry replied.

"Only the video. Do you really think they would-What the hell?!" Dom exclaimed in suprise.

A strange man was licking the hot dog in Dom’s hand. He nonchalantly looked up at Dom.

“Mine now.” The man said quietly. He took the hot dog out of Dom’s hand and slithered away.

“…The hell was that all about?” Larry asked.

“That hot dog was nine dollars…” Dom muttered to himself.

In the distance the heard a woman scream.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!”

“Mine now.”

“SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS!”

————————————-

“And stay out!” The man was thrown out of the convention center by security officers.

He sat there for a second.

He sneezed.